He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
