I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
