There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
