U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
