Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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