I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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