So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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