I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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