and she was petting her beer can
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
