Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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