We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
