The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
