So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
