i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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