Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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