how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
