sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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