ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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