I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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