you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Quick, to the slutcave!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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