i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
