At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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