forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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