i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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