Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
