Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
