You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize