He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
