you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
