She is in my trunk
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
