i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
