Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
