so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
