he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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