when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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