I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
