Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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