can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
