What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
