omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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