He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
