I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
