My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
