I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
