I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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