Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
