I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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