I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
