i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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