The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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