Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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