none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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