party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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