Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
