remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
