I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
