1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
