dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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