I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
