first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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