YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
