He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
