apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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