I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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