I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
