My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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