Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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