Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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