I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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