meet me or not, i'm out of control
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
