Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
we should paint friendship bongs
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize