my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
