She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
