Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
