The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
