They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
