Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How does one acquire holy water?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
false alarm, still single
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
