worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
