why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did I show you my penis last night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
