just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
