She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
