Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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