please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
