Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
